I want to talk about the most important misunderstanding most people have: Most people think that happiness is a peak experience. A peak experience, as I mean it, is an experience that gives rise to strong emotions, whether positive or negative – the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat, danger, falling in love, etc. People who are not happy (this, I think, includes most westerners) assume that happiness should be the ultimate peak experience. Many of them feel this way because they find their lives boring, which seems like the opposite of a peak experience. The impression is reinforced by the media, which has trouble depicting happiness, but no trouble depicting peak experiences. (Indeed, a characteristic of the evolution of the media, even during my own lifetime, is an increasing emphasis on increasingly extreme peak experiences.)
Happiness, however, is a valley experience. It is not a feeling of euphoria, but more like a feeling of peace. In fact, I might characterize it even more mundanely as a feeling of at-home-ness. To one who has never experienced it, it sounds like happiness is demotivating, but the opposite is true. It is a kind of flavor-enhancer to life. It enables you to feel peak experiences all the more. Unhappy people often seek out increasingly extreme peak experiences – because they can’t fully feel their peaks, and don’t really enjoy their experiences.
The way to achieve happiness is to feel with certainty that your life has meaning. In our tribal past this was easy – your life was dedicated to the tribe, and this gave meaning to your life. In the modern world, you have to work harder. For some people, their family is enough – a kind of minimalist tribe. Others dedicate their lives to their country, or a good cause, or their job. All of these are worth something. The more meaningful you feel your life, the happier you will be.
